It Cannot Be. It Can Only Be.

It cannot be that I am struggling again. It cannot be real. This cannot be happening. My head cannot wrap itself around the reality of my world these days. So much stress, yet so much love and laughter. How is it that I always feel so much of both, so often, so close together- even in the same space.

Some people are extremists in their physical adventures, I am an extremist in emotional adventures. Why can’t things just calm down? I dont know, maybe I dont want them to. Maybe I love the chaos and the feelings of those extremes. Could things ever be normal though? I am guessing, the answer is yes, and no. 

Sometimes when it is the darkest I truly believe it can only ever be this way. Then I take a deep breath and remember all the good. All the happy. The people, the love, the success and I remember that there is a way through, but I just cannot see it right now. I am trying but sometimes you just have to stop trying and invite help and inspiration from outside yourself.

 Do you control your universe or does it control you? I think that is a great question and I also think the answer to it is: YES. Yes, you can control and impact your world in meaningful ways. And yes, the world sometimes impacts you in ways never imagined.

I am praying and meditating daily to our universe, God, our spiritual bodies that guide change throughout our lives and I am asking for them to guide me, too. I feel powerless these days. I feel I have given it a good fight and I just can’t keep managing everything coming my way on my own anymore. I guess I did not know I was trying to fight this path alone. I always felt I had help, and was asking for help when needed. But maybe I was asking in the wrong places, or for the wrong things. Asking for help about specific things is not the answer. Asking for help with your ability to see the answers and paths surrounding you might be the better way. 

So if powers greater than me are going to keep sending emotional adventures my way, then I will ask them to manage me through. This is what it is. This is the reality of where I am, in this moment in time…so my best bet is to invite help from greater powers than me to help see me through. 

I sometimes think of a challeng in life like a knot you can’t get out of a tiny chain…the more you force it the tighter and more complicated it gets….however, once you relax and breathe and allow space and the air around it to have an effect, the chain opens up and you can start seeing the path that will allow it to become untangled. 

So did you actually untangle that chain or was that the space and world around you that allowed that to happen? Again, I believe the answer to that is: YES. 

So I say YES to the space around me, and YES to the help from the universe, and YES to the path opening up before me until I find myself untangled and in the right place, even if just for a moment. 

Yes. Yes. Yes. 

One thought on “It Cannot Be. It Can Only Be.

  1. Mary, reading this makes my eyes well up. While I cannot relate to your specific loss, I can relate to loss and stress and being on an emotional roller coaster. We do have to commit to allowing ourselves to breathe….many times difficult, but necessary.

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